Domestic Violence

Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” While they

were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. Then the

LORD said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?” “I don’t know,” he

replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?” Genesis 4: 8-9

The Bible records the first horrific act of family violence in the story of Cain

killing his brother Abel. God saw the anger that Cain was mistakenly

harbouring towards Abel and God talked with Cain. God told Cain that he

had an opportunity to correct his mistake. Consumed by jealousy he

refused to change. Cain continued to make Abel the target of his wrath.

Cain chose rage over reason. He overpowered and killed his unsuspecting

and innocent brother.

Everything in creation was affected by Cain’s solitary action. Cain’s

violence brought death to Abel, the disapproval of God, grief to the parents

and a disillusioned life of hardship to himself. Even the earth found itself an

unwilling participant as it was forced to receive Abel’s blood.

Family violence has never been a confidential matter between the abuser

and the abused. It disrupts life on so many levels and causes physical,

mental, emotional and social pain to everyone. The injured party is no

longer able to contribute to society as a fully functional member offering her

/ his gifts to a world that needs them. Family violence causes emotional

wounds to those who may not be the direct focus of aggression, but are still

exposed to a violent environment. Family violence mentally impairs the

perpetrator, who drowns out the voices of God, wisdom, and reason to not inflict pain

on another human being. Family violence stamps out potential for future

generations as it did to Abel. Family violence is usually carried out in secret

and private behind closed doors, but it does not remain in one place.

How do we stop these insidious actions? Educate! We do so by shining

light on this topic. Educate the survivors that they are just that, a prey of

someone else’s unacceptable behaviour, not a cause of it. Abel was not the

cause of Cain’s behaviour. Cain’s irrational jealousy and anger towards

Abel was of his own making. Educate the perpetrator that he/she has a

choice to consider the other as a person with dignity more than as an

object of abuse. In essence, God told Cain that he was responsible for his

own behaviour and could change the outcome of his life.

Educate the community that family violence affects everyone, not just the

persons being abused. The effects of family violence touch everyone

because each person brings unique talents to a community and is not able

to do so when cowering in fear and hiding. Educate the community that we

all have a responsibility to acknowledge the fact that family violence takes

place in every community regardless of socioeconomic standing. Educate

our young children that they are worthy human beings who do not deserve

to be abused. Educate them to take responsibility for their actions not to

harm others in actions or words. Educate our lawmakers that family

violence damages all aspects of our community. The abusers must feel the

weight of justice. As God demanded Cain to take responsibility for his

actions, so we, as a society, must hold each other accountable for how we

respond to those who are survivors of family violence.

Walking Through Grief

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March seventh will forever be etched in my heart.  It is the date that my beloved husband Winston Newton Sr. transitioned to the next life. There were no goodbyes or forewarning that he was going.  There were no frantic calls for help. He went as peaceably as he lived, quietly and without fanfare.  The sudden knowledge  that we would not see him anymore was traumatic to my family, friends, neighbors and me.

My world was turned upside down.  Through the last nineteen years I learned many lessons about walking through grief. I  would like to share a dozen lessons gleaned from my walk through the valley of sorrow.

Lessons Learned

1.   Don't try to have the life you used to have. Move forward creating new 

      life as you go.

2.   Weep but keep walking. Grief will come. It takes time to heal.

3.   Don't go to that hopeless place. if you find yourself there get out, God's mercy 

      is new each day.

4.   Accept your friends’ help 

5.   Eat 

6.   Sleep

7.   Don’t try to fill the void with shopping and other things.  

8.   Don’t go into debt.  Connected to number 7

9.   Learn to be alone. 

10. Get comfortable with the discomfort. 

11. Learn to accept that my life is never going to be the same and that’s okay.

12. If necessary get  counseling, or join a grief group

  

Remember we are to walk through the Valley of Grief. Psalm 23 verse 4 states "..Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.."  We are not to camp, or build a house in the valley. We are to go through the valley. Keep walking and keep believing that                       

God will be with you as you go through your time of sorrow.

Thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, that he is our Father and the source of all mercy and comfort. For he gives us comfort in our trials so that we in turn may be able to give the same sort of strong sympathy to others in theirs

II Corinthians 1:3 Phillips Translation

What Does the Oregon Trail Have to Do with 2021?

 When the U.S.A. was  a young nation opportunities arose to move west and start new lives.  One  of the most popular ways to do so was to use  the 2,170 miles route known as The Oregon Trail.  Traveling the trail was a revelation to the pioneers. When they started on the journey they were laden with overburdened  Conestoga wagons, Prairie  Schooners or carts pulled by oxen, mules or horses.   A family's worldly goods, which included items such as a piano,  wooden bedroom furniture, mattresses, stove, tools, hundreds of pounds of food, along with pots and pans accompanied them as they set out to go west. 

Buoyed by faith, hope  and adventure they started off easily from Independence, Missouri to Oregon's Willamette Valley.  As they journeyed west  things became more difficult as they encountered mountains and swift rivers or streams.  When their heavily laden carts started up these summits these conveyances became  almost impossible for even the sturdiest animals to pull. People started to discard items to lighten the load. The heavy ornate beautiful  piano may have been the first to go. It was not needed for life. Sure it was nice to have, but unnecessary. 

Grandma’s heavy walnut dresser might have been next to be abandoned. One could put clothes on a nail if need be. The goal was to make it over the mountain or to ford a river. The wagons must be lightened if they were were going to be able to complete the trip.  Eventually the trail was littered with cast off worldly goods. These cast-off goods  became a stream of revenue for some enterprising folk. Some things had to be sacrificed in order to reach their new homes. 

We’ve weathered 2020.  Many started last year burdened by heavy appointments, deadlines, crowding on trains, planes, congested highways and rushing children from one activity to another.  As we traversed up and down 2020’s trail we learned there were things without which we didn’t know we could live. We’re still breathing without having attended a sports game.  Church became a virtual experience which allowed us to attend  any where we chose from around the world. Visits to museums ceased, but we learned new ways to satisfy our curiosity. Thank God we live in the internet age.  Gyms, and salon services closed down. We had to  exercise at home and shampoo our own hair. Birthday parties, graduations all came to a screeching halt. The term drive-by became associated with joy and not death.  We found that what we thought were essentials were actually extras, luxury items not needed to sustain life.

Restaurants closed,  but we still had to eat. Therefore many people learned to cook and bake.  Those jobs we ignored such as grocery workers, truck drivers fire and police  were suddenly essential to our well being. 

We found out that school and colleges could go on, with innovation and for some with difficulty, at home. Even flying here and there to  attend a conference or attending a concert could be expedited using differing computer platforms. In order to give ourselves a fighting chance we had to make choices and deem what was really essential to live a productive and decent life.

Like the pioneers before us let’s make sure that what we are carrying into 2021 are necessaries and essentials so we can not just make it but thrive in this New Year.  We still have mountains to climb in 2021, but  like the pioneers on the Oregon Trail, we have a better idea of what’s necessary to make the trip. Keep the Faith! Share love and kindness!  Happy New Year to all of my Family and Friends. 

Are You Feeling Lost? Stop and Hug a Tree!

I’m not a big outdoors person. In fact my last real hike was one I took with my University of  Washington botany class to the 6,000 foot level of Mt. Rainier in Washington State. That was  well over thirty-five years ago. I have almost no chance of getting lost in the forest or wilderness because I don’t go there. However I do know that if I ever go again and get lost I should, “Stop and hug a tree!” In other words stay still and let  myself be found. To keep going after one is lost is to invite more danger. 

Right now a lot of us feel lost. Our anxieties have many of us literally walking around in a daze. What can we do about this? We need to stop! Acknowledge that we are lost and don’t know what to do. Yes, find that tree and hug it. I’m not talking about any tree. 

Stop and hug a tree that offers hope. It is for many an ignominious tree.  Not exactly the tree that person might choose.That word ignominious means disgraceful, or mortifying, but it is a tree of safety.

You may ask Patricia , what is the name of this disgraceful tree. It is call the tree known as  the cross of Calvary. It’s the tree where Christ died. Stop trying to find your way in the wilderness of this life by yourself.

It has been made very plain to us, to me, that this world, in all its’s confusion is just moving to more confusion. Stop and hug that tree. Accept the fact that God can find you there.

There is  another interesting survival technique. People are taught that if they hear a search plane to go to an open area and lie down to make oneself bigger.  The experts say it is easier to be seen if one is laying down on the earth than standing  straight up.  Laying down is a sign of submission too.

After you hug the tree and hear help from the air lay down. Get down and submit your heart to the Finder, the God of heaven. Rescuers teach children, in particular, is that when the rescuer calls out, to answer whoever calls.  This is so important in submitting to God. Once God moves on your heart, answer God by calling out in surrender to God, "Here I am." Knowing that God is  near is what calms my anxiety and I know this thought can calm yours too. 

Don’t feel frustrated.  For peace of mind and heart  take these simple steps.

1. Stop

2. Hug the cross of Christ. Embrace the fact that Jesus died for you. 

3. Answer here I am. Accept that Jesus offers you a precious gift of forgiveness. 

4. God, The Rescuer,  will make sure you are found and put on the right pathway. 

A little background on the phrase,  "Stop and Hug a Tree"*

"Jimmy Beveridge, the 9-year-old Spring Valley boy who became lost in February, 1981, while on a trip to Palomar Mountain State Park with his parents and two brothers. Two hundred volunteers eventually became involved in the effort to find the boy, the largest search ever conducted in the history of San Diego County."

  “Hugging a tree” is an idea that Ab Taylor, a retired tracker for the U.S. Border Patrol, developed in the wake of the search for Jimmy Beveridge.

* This particular article was printed in the Los Angeles Times. 

By GORDON SMITH

FEB. 14, 1985 12 AM

Looking for Peace in All the Wrong Places

Only Ninety-nine dollars?  Well of course I needed that fire engine red Cuisinart  stand mixer with the 500 watt motor. I had a ten dollar stand mixer. however it couldn't be used for a long time and couldn't  do any heavy duty mixing. I'd left my Kitchen Aid mixer in Seattle when I  came to Philadelphia. I did my research on whether or not this Cuisinart could do compared to my Kitchen Aid mixer. It passed muster with the reviewers.

Driving out to the store I was excited to be able to get this mixer at a great sales price. I picked up a few items as I made my way to the appliances. When I got there I looked and looked and couldn't see the mixer. I went back and forth up and down the aisle. Could they have put it in another place? There was a Kitchen Aid mixer for three times the price I was willing to pay, but no Cuisinart mixers. Perhaps they sold out of them. I went to my phone. I looked at the ad again . It said that one could purchase the mixer in the store or online.  I  thought, "Well  it sure isn't in this store."

I went to Customer Service to ask about the mixer. Alas the line was way too long and I had a another appointment. I decided I'll call back or order it online. I don't have time to wait.
When I finally got home from my appointment I went online to go to the website. As I clicked on my email to the site I saw something I hadn't seen before.  The store advertising the mixer wasn't Sam's club. It was B.J.'s,  another  big box store on the East Coast.  Then it all made sense. I was looking in the wrong store. My frustration as to why there were no more mixers wasn't the store's fault. It was my thinking that the store had something they weren't selling.

Isn't this what is frustrating some us in life? Like the old song says,  ".. looking for love in all the wrong places." If I need peace and calm I am not going to find it at the bottom of a bottler of vodka. If I need comfort, eating a dozen donuts may taste good, but they  will not wrap themselves around me to comfort me. However if food is the go to for relief it will wrap itself around me in other ways.  I am personally finding  another way for  thwarting the effects of a number of life's ills. I am looking to the Word of God. 

Don't knock it if you have never tried to do this.

When I need comfort in the time of my grief. I turn to Psalm 23. The words, The Lord is my Shepherd brings calm to my soul. When I need reassurance that God is protecting me I turn to Psalm 91. This tells me that even in the most harrowing of circumstances God is protecting me. Now of course  you don't have to believe me. I must ask,  do you really want to be like  I was, walking up and down the aisles of the wrong store looking for a fire engine red mixer mixer that's not there? If so, carry on. If not,  start looking in the right place.

Don't Discard Your Future Provisions!

One sunny Seattle morning while I was washing dishes I was looking  through my kitchen window.  I saw a little girl waiting on the corner for her big yellow school bus. She carefully  opened her brown paper lunch bag. She  peered inside the bag and pulled out  a sandwich. I thought that she must be hungry and that she was going to take a bite. Instead she unceremoniously pitched the wrapped sandwich into the bushes in front of my neighbor's home. Then she propelled another item into the bushes and then a third thing. With no need for the bag it was catapulted into the greenery. 

 I thought, someone is going to question what kind of parent sends their child to school with no lunch or lunch money?  You see, that carefully  packed lunch meant nothing to the that little girl. Unwisely, that young girl threw aware her future provisions.  Maybe she had just eaten breakfast. She never thought she might be hungry in a few hours. Children are like that. Plus, the child's action caused the parent to be unjustly vilified. 

I wonder if we do the same thing about God and eternity. Right now we are satisfied.  During this part of our lives we have all we need. There’s no need to think about our souls and the future, or life or death. 

It's amazing that even  great stars like Prince, Michael Jackson, Sonny Bono and the immensely wealthy billionaire Howard Hughes  demonstrated  that their inevitable futures just looked too far off for them.  I say this because none of them had wills. It's like  eternity snuck up on them like that lunchtime was going to come for that child.  

 Right now many are taking what God has given us, and tossing it away. God has provided the precious  gift of  eternal salvation  and peace with God through the Birth, Death and  Resurrection of Christ.  Even though it's free many discard the gift. 

Then like that little girl, it's lunchtime and we have nothing.  That lovingly wrapped sandwich  was discarded during her time of fullness.  Human beings are funny like that.  Everyday we get closer to that final stop, to be blunt our death, when time for us is no more.  All of us  will have a day of reckoning for our souls.   Please  don't stand at the corner of life waiting and  tossing important  God  given  provisions  into the bushes. Take a moment to consider,  salvation which is a way to peace with God.  Salvation and  security are yours,  if you don't toss them into the bushes.

Steps to Peace with God

Admit your need. (I am a sinner)

Be willing to turn from your sins. (Repent)

Believe that Jesus Christ died for you on the cross and rose from the grave.

Through prayer, invite Jesus Christ to control your life through the Holy Spirit. (Receive him as Lord and Savior)

If you would like more information don't hesitate to  leave a comment or question on this blog or contact me at tricianew12@gmail.com

Bring Back My Old Life!

When our four sons were very young we would take long road trips from Washington State to visit our East Coast relatives.  It was a great way for our children to see the wonders of this great country. To break up the long distance, for three or four nights we'd stay at different hotels or motels.  

 Our children were generally well behaved  playing  games such as Slug Bug or even the Quiet Game.  As the day wore on we  would start looking for a place to spend the night.   On my insistence  my husband Winston would go into the rooms to make sure they were  acceptable to my standards before I would agree to stay at the designated place.

One late afternoon, on our return trip to Seattle, as he was going through the inspection ritual,  a little voice piped up from the back seat. " I don't want to stay at anymore hotels I want to sleep in my own bed," said the exasperated child. "I understand, we will soon," I replied.  For some reason the trip coming back home always seemed longer than the trip going. It was exciting thinking about seeing the relatives and being on the East Coast. On the way back to Seattle, I declare the coast moved further west.

I thought of that scene this morning as we head into the 16th or 17th week of  restrictions and the recommended  social distancing.  We don't want to do this anymore. We want to go back to the familiar. we want our old way of life. We want to live the way in which we've been used to doing.

 What has occupied my thoughts is that for some there is no going back to the way it was previously. People's worlds have shifted. People I know have lost loved ones. Their world will never be the same. Some people have lost their jobs permanently. Their world will not be the same. High school seniors have had their world changed beneath their feet. They cannot go back.

 Some elders have been dragged kicking and screaming into the tech age. They soon learned in order to connect with people they had to get up to speed with Facebook and Zoom.  While many of the younger people have moved on to  Instagram,  and my latest addition, WhatsApp. No, we are not going back to what used to be before this worldwide crisis. Even the behemoth Amazon will never be the same. They learned in this crisis that the delivery business is a beast that they can't conquer at this time.

I believe we are going to need to focus on how we move forward in this world. I believe we need to decide now what are the essentials  we need to lead productive and helpful lives. Hopefully people come out seeing that relationships are more important than material things. I am hoping that people come out with a renewed understanding that faith in God is more important, especially when times are challenging. I hope we come out as more compassionate people. We've watched our medical professionals, First Responders, truck drivers, grocery stores, bus drivers  put us first even when they were putting their lives on the line. Some of them did not make it even as they served the needs of the public I hope we  come out of this crisis with more grace, compassion and kindness than when we  went into it.

Yes, like my very young son who was tired of the journey and nightly stops sleeping in different  beds, we want familiarity.  However just like our  long journey home to Seattle, we may have a few more days, or weeks to make it to the other side of this crisis.  

Take care of your family and friends, we will make it!

This beautiful photo of Mt. Rainier was taken by a former colleague Valerie Grimm.